The Philosophy of Ambiguity

Another non-bookish read, found in my inbox. Apologies for the all caps, it came like that in the e-mail and I’m too lazy to write it all over again in proper caps!

FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY, AS WELL AS THE IDIOSYNCRASIES OF ENGLISH:

1. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.

2. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?

3. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, “WHERE’S THE SELF- HELP SECTION?” SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.

4. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?

5. IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?

6. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?

7. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?

8. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO “GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?”

9. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?

10. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?

11. IF A TURTLE DOESN’T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?

12. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?

13. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?

14. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?

15. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON’T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.

16. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?

17. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?

18. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?

19. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD ‘LISP’ TO HAVE ‘S’ IN IT?

20. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED “HEMORRHOIDS” INSTEAD OF “ASSTEROIDS”?

21. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL PERSON IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DO THEY BECOME DISORIENTED?

22. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?

Hope you had a chuckle or two out of that! Any particular favourites? I love no. 3, I’d love to say that without being called or thought cheeky by the customer!

Bookish Gifts for the Season

The Christmas shopping rush begins now… if you don’t want to brave the crowds at shopping malls, try online shopping for these gadgets for your bookish loved ones.

This is a Pillow Light. Pretty self-explanatory. Looks a little odd and I’d think hugging the light bit might not be very comfortable after a while when it heats up! You can find it at Kidsmodern.

The Pride and Prejudice board game for Jane Austen fans. The link also leads to the A Christmas Carol board game – more suitable for the season, perhaps? I wonder how the games go. You can find more Jane Austen inspired gifts at the Inkwell Bookstore Blog.

Another board game, The Great Penguin Bookchase. This looks pretty interesting, I wouldn’t mind playing this one! Love the miniature bookish props. You can buy it at its website or read a review of it here.

There’s a whole world of bookish products out there at The Literary Gift Company. I daren’t browse for fear of wanting more bookish things I already can’t have, so I’ll let you brave this on your own. Happy Christmas shopping!

Living with Books

I’ve always thought that when I have my dream home I would dedicate a room just for my books. My personal library, or perhaps a library in a room where I would put the computer in so that I would spend most of my time being surrounded by them. Looking at these pictures of living room ideas is making me think twice.

There’s a quote that goes, “Books are not made for furniture, but there is nothing else that so beautifully furnishes a house.” Henry Ward Beecher might not have seen these pictures when he said that but he probably had in mind something similar!

Check out the other contemporary living room ideas at Freshome.

Holiday Eating Tips

Sigh, I’ve been really neglecting this blog. Anyway, something non-bookish for a change but fun to read nonetheless! Happy Holidays.

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet
table knows nothing of the Holiday spirit. In fact, if you see
carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they’re serving rum
balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It’s rare.. You
cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who
cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It’s not as if
you’re going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It’s a
treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It’s later than you
think. It’s Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That’s the whole point of
gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of
your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they’re made with skim milk
or whole milk. If it’s skim, pass. Why bother? It’s like buying a
sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to
control your eating. The whole point of going to a Holiday party is
to eat other people’s food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New
Year’s. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do.
This is the time for long naps, which you’ll need after circling the
buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of
eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like
frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position
yourself near them and don’t budge. Have as many as you can before
becoming the center of attention. They’re like a beautiful pair of
shoes. If you leave them behind, you’re never going to see them
again.

8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each.
Or if you don’t like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin.
Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one
dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it’s loaded with the
mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean,
have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don’t feel terrible when you leave the
party or get up from the table, you haven’t been paying attention.
Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the
corner.