The Philosophy of Ambiguity

Another non-bookish read, found in my inbox. Apologies for the all caps, it came like that in the e-mail and I’m too lazy to write it all over again in proper caps!

FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY, AS WELL AS THE IDIOSYNCRASIES OF ENGLISH:

1. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.

2. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?

3. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, “WHERE’S THE SELF- HELP SECTION?” SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.

4. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?

5. IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?

6. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?

7. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?

8. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO “GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?”

9. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?

10. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?

11. IF A TURTLE DOESN’T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?

12. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?

13. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?

14. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?

15. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON’T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.

16. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?

17. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?

18. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?

19. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD ‘LISP’ TO HAVE ‘S’ IN IT?

20. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED “HEMORRHOIDS” INSTEAD OF “ASSTEROIDS”?

21. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL PERSON IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DO THEY BECOME DISORIENTED?

22. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?

Hope you had a chuckle or two out of that! Any particular favourites? I love no. 3, I’d love to say that without being called or thought cheeky by the customer!

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