Holiday Eating Tips

Sigh, I’ve been really neglecting this blog. Anyway, something non-bookish for a change but fun to read nonetheless! Happy Holidays.🙂

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet
table knows nothing of the Holiday spirit. In fact, if you see
carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they’re serving rum
balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It’s rare.. You
cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who
cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It’s not as if
you’re going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It’s a
treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It’s later than you
think. It’s Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That’s the whole point of
gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of
your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they’re made with skim milk
or whole milk. If it’s skim, pass. Why bother? It’s like buying a
sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to
control your eating. The whole point of going to a Holiday party is
to eat other people’s food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New
Year’s. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do.
This is the time for long naps, which you’ll need after circling the
buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of
eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like
frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position
yourself near them and don’t budge. Have as many as you can before
becoming the center of attention. They’re like a beautiful pair of
shoes. If you leave them behind, you’re never going to see them
again.

8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each.
Or if you don’t like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin.
Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one
dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it’s loaded with the
mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean,
have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don’t feel terrible when you leave the
party or get up from the table, you haven’t been paying attention.
Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the
corner.

2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Carleton Place Public Library
    Dec 10, 2009 @ 01:01:04

    I loved this list! Finally, a holiday eating list for real people! Thanks again for the great laugh….and inspiration!

    nylusmilk: you’re welcome… glad you enjoyed it as i did!😀

    Reply

  2. Josette
    Dec 25, 2009 @ 23:32:15

    LOL! These tips are freaking hilarious especially no. 5! Yup, why torture oneself with diets during the holiday season? There’s always time for exercise later!

    nylusmilk: that’s what we all like to tell ourselves, don’t we?😉 hope you’re enjoying the christmas feast!

    Reply

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