What J. K. Rowling Couldn’t Do

Your Potter stories in 100 words

Before the publication of the seventh and final Harry Potter book, we asked avid Harry Potter fans to tell the entire story of the six books so far in 100 words or fewer.

1) HANNAH, SWINDON
“By the way, Harry,” said Professor Dumbledore halfway through book six, “a prophecy says that you alone can defeat evil Lord Voldemort. That’s why he keeps trying to kill you. You must destroy all seven pieces of his soul, and you’ve got one book left to do it in. Don’t expect any help from me; I’ll be dramatically murdered in two chapters’ time. Besides that, there’s exams to pass and hormonal stirrings to contend with. Now do you wish you’d gone to that Muggle comprehensive?”

2) KATE, BERKSHIRE
Psychiatric report:
Harry is a teenage boy who thinks he is a wizard. He explains that when he was a baby he sent the most evil wizard of all into hiding. He believes this wizard murdered his parents. His aunt informs me they died in a car accident.Harry reports attending a wizard school although he thought he was a muggle (?) before then. His friends at this school who have helped prevent him from being murdered by evil wizard several times.He believes that both his ex-murder suspect godfather and headmaster have both recently been murdered by evil wizard.

3) EMMA PEARSON, NOTTINGHAM
BOOK ONE:
Harry: 😀
BOOK TWO:
Harry: 🙂
BOOK THREE:
Harry: 😐
BOOK FOUR:
Harry: :/
BOOK FIVE:
Harry: 😦
BOOK SIX:
Harry: :’

4) GILLIAN IVERSON, HONG KONG
Harry and his posse gots ta eliminate gangsta V-Man and his evil yet sexeh followers lest they destroy the world.

V-Man has already got Harry’s posse members shot down (family, godfather, Dumble-D), and it’s a-time for revenge!

Harry and crew has got to cruise ’round the hood to find V-Man’s treasures to destroy, and only then can they take him on and blast his ass! Pow!

Hermione and Ron want to hook-up, but feel that Harry’s hollah is more important at the moment, which is way cool, but Harry ain’t bovvered, because he knows that luuurve will get him through.

5) POLINA RASSOLOVA, ST PETERSBURG, RUSSIA
CV

Name: Harry Potter

Education: Six years at Hogwarts

Relationship status: Single, but kissed 2 prettiest girls at Hogwarts

Marks: Got a magical scar

Achievements: Held philosopher’s stone in his hands and didn’t even wish to be immortal. Found a secret chamber, killed a giant snake and destroyed one of the horcruxes (pieces of Voldemort’s nasty soul). Became mates with a werewolf. Won the Triwizard championship. Was the head of a group of teenagers eager to break school rules. Faced Voldemort three times and survived.

Hobby: Excellent Quidditch player (Seeker)

Ambition: Find and destroy Voldemort and all of his horcruxes

6) MARIE, ALYESBURY
Cinderfella discovers he’s a wizard and trots off to wizard school where he aces in broomsticks and being Mr popular. The wicked wizard, who tried to kill him as a baby, returns from half dead and tries again only to be defeated by pluck, luck and the togetherness of giants and friendly centaurs.

Repeated attacks by the evil wizard and teenage hormones ensure gripping adventures but the wizard community buries its head in the sand until the battles of good and evil affect the politicians and the nanny state clamps down.

Evil legacies, puzzles and exams, love and angst await.

Entries 1 and 4 get my vote. Which do you like?

This article interviews Rowling about things that were not in the epilogue. This links to an online chat with Rowling, also about what happens after the epilogue. Here is an essay about Harry Potter being dreadful and vulgar. Or read the verbose New York Times review of the Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows.

1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Trackback: The Literary Pursuit Takes A Summer Break « The Literary Pursuit

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