The Non-existential Dictionary

Read The Non-existential Dictionary 2 as well

Taken from Reader’s Digest July 2005 issue, pages 38 – 41.

Knack-Nickers, Unite!

Richard Glover challenged listeners to his Australian radio show to spot holes in the English language and then find the perfect label to fill them. Here then are 18 words that should exist, but don’t.

(an nek dul tah ree) n.
The moment when you are halfway though telling someone a story – acing in the know and exaggerating like crazy – when you realise it was their story in the first place.
(also communitake, theminiscing)

(bin’ fid elle) n.
A person who sneaks his rubbish into your bin once it’s been put out on the kerb, so there’s never any space for your last forgotten bag.
(also binfilltrator, coup d’etatrash)

(bowst’ bust tah) n.
A person who, when asked to guess how cheaply you bought something, or the size of your pay rise at work, always picks a figure so extreme that your story falls completely flat.
(also anecdope, pestimator)

(buhk’ stop) n.
The space left between the person using an ATM and the first person in the queue behind them.
(also PINcushion, dough man’s land)

cosmestic perjury
(koz met ik’ pur jah ree) n.
The tactful response required when you meet an acquaintance who has proudly changed their hair, face or body in a failed attempt to improve their appearance.
(also fake-lift, umdiscretion)

(edj’ hog) n.
A train or bus passenger who hogs the aisle seat so you have to limb over them to get to a vacant spot.
(also yobstacle, AisleBeRightMate)

(eyz’ burg) n.
The icy look a teenage boy gives his mother when he wants her to stop talking to his girlfriend.
(also off-peek, frigidglare)

hope couture
(howp’ ku toor) n.
The item of clothing you keep for years in the vain hope you might fit back into it someday.
(also wishfits, martin-luthers, as in “I have a dream …”)

(luhv’ stuk) n.
The moment on a first date when both people want to make a move but are scared of getting a knockback, and as a result nothing happens.
(also pre-sensual tension, ankissipation)

(fla pah’ rah tzee) n.
Someone who is always in the background of a live news report, waving stupidly at the camera.
(also telepathetic, vextra, eyejacker)

(nak’ nik ah) n.
Someone who can’tleave a hotel room without taking every tea bag, sugar sachet, complimetary shampoo, etc.
(also the artful lodger, kleptomarriott)

(te rah’ ryst) n.
A person in the cinema who seems to take ages to unwrap their sweets or open their chips, then eats then one by one, oblivious to the noise.
(also tornmenter, weapon of multiplex distraction)

piece de resistance
(pees’ d re zis tonts) n.
The last bit of food left on a plate because everyone wants to be polite.
(also gluttanot, remorsel)

(mown o’ toen) n.
The faltering voice you use when you ring work to tell them you’’re sick.
(also arggghccent, phlegmbellishment)

(shin’ tah jek’ shun) n.
At a dinner party, the sharp kick under the table you give your partner to indicate that whatever it is they are saying, they must stop saying it right now.
(also shin dig, toed rage)

(tor’ tyoon) n.
A catchy yet awful song that you just can’t get out of your head, even after hearing it played just once.
(also ABBAration)

(suf ah’ moor) n.
A person who is always sicker or worse off than you. If you say you are a bit tired, they are exhausted. If you are snowed under, they tell you to try it with six kids. And when someone runs up the back of your cat, it’s nothing compared to the accident they had in the summer of 1984.
(also hurtuoso, sickophant)

(veri fly kay’ shun) n.
That involuntary movement of checking the fly made by all men as they re-enter a public place after leaving the bathroom.
(also heflex action)

I must say, I’m an occasional sickophant and edgehog, but I’m definitely no hope couture and telepathetic!


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. lovelyloey
    Sep 27, 2006 @ 20:49:06

    Just dropping by to inform a fellow bookworm that is having a 25% off for all fiction books till end of this week, not sure if you know of it already.
    disclaimer: I don’t work for them. Hahaha.

    sulz: tempting, but i don’t do internet shopping. no credit card. and very n00b at this. anyway, i’m broke. and times the bookshop warehouse sale is extended another week according to my friend – must be really lousy sales this time.


  2. Trackback: The Non-existential Dictionary 2 « The Literary Pursuit

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